Lessons from Lauraland

I hate Easter Lilies. I don't think I can fully express here or any where how much I hate them. They look like sweet and innocent flowers with their bright, white flowers, slim, green stalks and leaves. But if you look close, within the flowers you will find the bright yellow of the stamen. The evil, evil stamen with its dreadful pollen. My sinuses are full. My stomach is upset. My head aches. At one point tonight I could not remember where I lived. Seriously. I hate Easter Lilies.

Monday, Monday, so good to me. Monday, Monday, it was all I hoped it would be... I feel like the only time I post, it is something negative so I thought I would try to be positive today. It's Monday and I am doing laundry. Xander and I have spent the day curled up on the couch with a blanket watching movies between loads. He lost a tooth today. His first at our house. We freaked out a bit, but he was fine. Typical first time parents, lol. :)

When there are too many voices, how do you listen? When so many cry out in pain, how do you care? When words are fragmented-                -sentences broken-                                           -thoughts irrational- how can you understand? Your voice was so clear and strong. Your words eternal. Your healing complete. Where is it now? Where are you now? Where am I? If I call out into the emptiness, will you fill it? If the darkness overwhelms me, will you overwhelm it? If I sink into my despair, will you raise me with your hope? And if, in the end, it all goes to shit again, will You still be there?

So I had an appointment with my psychologist yesterday. Among other things, we talked about my need to feel stable, to take some control. There is rolling with the punches, and that is all well and good, but there have to be times of stability in that as well. This is me, yet again. taking hold of myself, giving myself a good shake, and running off to the races again. This time I am standing in faith that this will be the last fresh start I will need like this. Even though there will be times of disaster and near miss, I believe I will survive this. I will overcome this. I will make it through. Even as my world shakes, heaven stands and I stand firm on that.