Lessons from Lauraland

When asked what I want to be when I grow up, which I admit is a rare question at 34 years of age, I usually say I want to be Angela Lansbury. She has been my man crush for most of my life. I even had a picture of her as a showgirl in my high school locker, long before I knew what a man crush was. :) But to be perfectly honest, I really want to be like my Aunt Catherine. All of my great aunts, and the one great-great aunt I knew, on my father's side were as sharp witted and blunt as they were kind. They were all take charge women and you did not want to be on their bad side because they held a grudge like no other. At the same time, they were the kindest women I knew, willing to help you in anyway they could. Sincere. And boy, did they know how to laugh. The last thing my Aunt Catherine said to me was, "We all have our troubles." My eyes well up just remembering that. She was barely lucid, but even then she was trying to give me advice. Adam and I were with her when...

I had a pain management appointment today with my doctor. It was only our second office visit and our last. In April, he's taking a leadership position at another hospital. Three or four months ago at my first office visit, he told us that the goal would be to take the edge off my chronic pain and then work on getting me more mobile. I've had two thoracic epidurals since, but with no relief beyond a few hours. Today, this doctor, with almost unbelievable - nearly cartoonish though I believe it was genuine - positivity and hope, said that he wants me to try physical therapy (after several months of this before I was sent to him from another pain management clinic) and visit with a nutritionist before we try anything else. I think that he means well. I think he may also want to leave further treatment plans up to the doctor he referred me to, whom I will meet in 2 months. I agree with him that I need to lose weight and get back to exercising. I also am in incredible pain. E...

I listen to a lot of podcasts. To be honest, it's probably too many podcasts, but since I've been in constant pain, reading is difficult and my comprehension is worse. Even reading long form articles is difficult. For whatever reason, I do better hearing the words. I think the inflection given by the speaker helps me with the context and subtext I miss when trying to read. Bitch Magazine's podcast Popaganda is one of my favorites. The editor has a unique point of view that I really appreciate. They just replayed one of the most affecting episodes I have heard called, " Growing Up Immigrant ." One of the editors spoke about being the child of refugees. Her parents came from China, but were originally refugees from Vietnam. It was interesting to think about what is lost in a parent-child relationship when they do not share a dominant language. She talked about a saying she learned from her parents; "eat bitter." It's about the fact that all of us must ...