I miss my husband. He has only been gone for 10 hours and I miss him dearly. It sounds silly, but it is true. The strange part is, I was really looking forward to this weekend, to having the house nearly to myself.
I used to housesit quite a bit. I love animals and it was an easy way to earn money, but the thing I loved most was the chance to be alone. I have never lived in my own home, whether it was an apartment or house. I've never had my own space and in the last several years have always lived in a place where someone else was the main renter or owner. When I had the chance to get away and be myself for a few days or weeks and make money besides, I always jumped on it. I loved to just sit in the homes and enjoy the peace and quiet. With a cat in my lap or a dog at my side, I would lounge on the couch or sit on the back deck and just take a moment to be alone. It was something I craved.
From the moment we first entered this house, I knew it was the one I wanted. I could see Adam and I living here. It wasn't the fireplaces or the family room, not even the awesome red counter in the kitchen, as cool as it is. I can't really tell you why, but I knew this was the place for us. In the time since we have moved in, even with all the craziness and the things we have had to deal with, I have not regretted that decision. I still love this house. I still feel like it was and is meant to be our home. And I was looking forward to spending some time alone in it.
But, now that I am here and Adam is gone, I'm not enjoying it nearly as much as I thought I would. There is a space in the silence, a void in the peace that I am feeling. Even when we aren't together, whether that means Adam is at the other end of the house or at the other end of town, there is still an essence of him and of us here.
This afternoon I was watching some Torchwood on my laptop and as the episode ended and its closing music ended, the house fell completely silent. The furnace was not on, the frig wasn't running. Even my laptop fan had turned off. The only sound was silence. Instead of hitting the "play next episode" button, I stopped and took a moment to listen to the silence. Instead of the peace and quiet I was expecting to feel, a hint of loneliness crept in. I know Adam and I are newlyweds, so I know what you are probably thinking, but I promise that wasn't it.
You see, in the past few weeks, Adam and I have had to come to terms with and think about a lot of things. A few of those we are still working through, but I believe we have come to a greater appreciation of the fact that we aren't promised a future on this earth. Each moment is a gift from God to complete his purpose. It is up to us whether we act on that purpose and use the gift of each day that passes. Although before this last month I would have told you such a thing wasn't possible, Adam and I have grown even closer.
And now, when I am alone and have a chance to enjoy some peace and quiet, I find that instead, I want to be alone with Adam. To just share in the experience of this moment of silence with him.
I can't wait till he gets home and I can be alone again.
I used to housesit quite a bit. I love animals and it was an easy way to earn money, but the thing I loved most was the chance to be alone. I have never lived in my own home, whether it was an apartment or house. I've never had my own space and in the last several years have always lived in a place where someone else was the main renter or owner. When I had the chance to get away and be myself for a few days or weeks and make money besides, I always jumped on it. I loved to just sit in the homes and enjoy the peace and quiet. With a cat in my lap or a dog at my side, I would lounge on the couch or sit on the back deck and just take a moment to be alone. It was something I craved.
From the moment we first entered this house, I knew it was the one I wanted. I could see Adam and I living here. It wasn't the fireplaces or the family room, not even the awesome red counter in the kitchen, as cool as it is. I can't really tell you why, but I knew this was the place for us. In the time since we have moved in, even with all the craziness and the things we have had to deal with, I have not regretted that decision. I still love this house. I still feel like it was and is meant to be our home. And I was looking forward to spending some time alone in it.
But, now that I am here and Adam is gone, I'm not enjoying it nearly as much as I thought I would. There is a space in the silence, a void in the peace that I am feeling. Even when we aren't together, whether that means Adam is at the other end of the house or at the other end of town, there is still an essence of him and of us here.
This afternoon I was watching some Torchwood on my laptop and as the episode ended and its closing music ended, the house fell completely silent. The furnace was not on, the frig wasn't running. Even my laptop fan had turned off. The only sound was silence. Instead of hitting the "play next episode" button, I stopped and took a moment to listen to the silence. Instead of the peace and quiet I was expecting to feel, a hint of loneliness crept in. I know Adam and I are newlyweds, so I know what you are probably thinking, but I promise that wasn't it.
You see, in the past few weeks, Adam and I have had to come to terms with and think about a lot of things. A few of those we are still working through, but I believe we have come to a greater appreciation of the fact that we aren't promised a future on this earth. Each moment is a gift from God to complete his purpose. It is up to us whether we act on that purpose and use the gift of each day that passes. Although before this last month I would have told you such a thing wasn't possible, Adam and I have grown even closer.
And now, when I am alone and have a chance to enjoy some peace and quiet, I find that instead, I want to be alone with Adam. To just share in the experience of this moment of silence with him.
I can't wait till he gets home and I can be alone again.
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