Lessons from Lauraland

I miss my mom. There are a lot of reasons why. Silly ones, significant ones, but right now the big one is that as much as we couldn't relate, when I called her to talk about my depression, she got it. Totally and completely and without question. I didn't have to explain. I didn't have to second guess her response or worry she thought I was weak. She just understood that feeling of wretchedness; the fact that I couldn't explain not being able to get out of bed; the sense of guilt that comes with those feelings, which only compounds them and makes it all worse. She had lived it all and as much as she didn't understand so much of my world, she did understand this. I have spent the last hour looking at my phone, knowing without a doubt that whoever I dial will listen to me, love me, and try to help, but none of them will ever understand it the way my mom did. I miss my mom.

So I really have not blogged in a while.  I do a lot of blogging and letter writing in my work, so I think that kind of takes the edge off the need to write.  I would really like to do Nano this year though, so I need to find some motivation, stat! Which leads me to bucket list land because Lizz did one and I always copy her. :) As per  Lizzie's  instructions. 50 things I'd like to do before I die. In no particular order... 1. Visit Ireland 2. have no two pairs of socks that are alike and yet still have enough that I only have to wash them once a month 3. have a maid 4. Own a sports car 5. Invent window blinds that are inside the windows AND are programmable to open and shut throughout the day -- feel free to steal  this as long as you install them at my house :) 6. Own a house 7. Own a car that is less than 5 years old 8. Visit the Netherlands 9. Become fluent in sign language 10. Have health insurance (getting close!) 11. Raise a child (but may...

1. Favorite childhood book? hmmm... Too many really but the first book I read by myself was Snow Joe by Carol Greene . 2. What are you reading right now? A Wedding in December by Anita Shreve 3. What books do you have on request at the library? Have yet to get my library card since I moved.  I need to do that. 4. Bad book habit? Browsing the dollar shelves at Half Price Books and wanting to take them all home. 5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? Bishop and the Beggar Girl of St. Germain by Father Andrew Greeley 6. Do you have an e-reader? No 7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? Usually I read a book straight through, but on occasion I will pick up something in the middle. 8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? Yes, but not because of the blog 9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) I usually don't finish something I don't like 10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? Bi...

This was a post I swear I posted last night but I can't find it.  That may have been God or maybe it wasn't.  Regardless, I am posting it now... Everyone keeps talking about how good her color is, that she is laughing in her sleep, and just watch her smile.  Oh, and how cute is it when she calls her husband sweetheart? And it is all I can do not to scream. They don't realize she is on five different blood pressure medications and yet it's still not low enough.  Her pulse is ranging from ten to twenty-five points too high.  And no one is really sure if she is calling him sweetheart because she loves him or she just can't remember his name. Don't tell me to be positive until you've sat up most of the night listening to strange alarms and struggling to understand messages on the screen.  Don't try to placate me until you have looked into the nurse's eyes and seen the worry and uncertainty there.  And for God's sake don't mention her colo...

I have been trying to tweet for an hour.  Just one tweet, not even that witty of a tweet, but Twitter has been overloaded.  I blame the #WorldCup, whether that is fair or not.  I really don't care.  All I know is there is a storm rolling through Lima, Twitter is overloaded, I am out of pajama bottoms, and I am annoyed. I suppose an evening of annoyance makes sense considering that is how I spent my day.  I woke up late this morning, so of course my roommate was in the bathroom.  I realize that isn't her fault, but really it figures.  While I was in the shower I realized that I have been far less grateful lately than I normally am I.  Instead of pulling me out of my funk, this only annoyed me more.  Even while praying for forgiveness and praising God for all the blessings in my life, I was running through the house annoyed that I couldn't find the shoes I wanted to wear and trying to figure out what pants I had clean that didn't need ironing...

Though to be fair, I didn't take up residency on the couch until day 2 of being ill. So I am well into my nearly annual spring cold. I really thought I was going to beat it this year! I have been taking care to dress warmly, have stayed away from people who are sick, and have been trying to take my vitamins more regularly. I'm not sure what more I can do! This has meant a costly trip to Urgent Care. Thank God for the Walgreens W-Card program. I don't want to think how much my meds would have been without it! The cold medicine I am taking seems to put me asleep, though it has a bright yellow box and says non-drowsy. I'm so odd with medicine that way. I never really know how my body will react to something until I take it. When they change their formulas, we're off to the races again! So far this has just given me crazy dreams! I'll have to tell you about that later! -- Sent from my mobile device