Showing posts from April, 2017


I received a letter from my lawyer today. Our appeal for Reconsideration (where another employee at OOD would look over the information the first had and make their own decision) was denied. The lawyer sent us another packet of information to complete and I'm struggling to do so.

My memory has never been great. Meeting up with old friends is difficult sometimes because they remember a lot of things that I have no recollection of at all. My thinking is that my brain has always tried to compartmentalize things because of trauma in my childhood. That's always been the case, but usually as bad as my long term memory was, I had better recall of more recent events and information. Now I'm struggling to remember conversations and meetings I've had in the last month.

That is probably partially because of a lack of structure in my everyday, but the memory issue is also the cause of the lack of structure. I can't seem to focus and I forget what I am doing. I even have days whe…

The Familiar Swaddling

When Lazarus heard his name he took a sudden breath. With visceral trembling blood resurged. But then, as when awakening some days, he lay a moment, mired, reluctant to rise from the familiar swaddling of his death Rising, even more than dying, there could be no return: for if he chose to stand, all he knew would then be lost

And still now every morning, each momentary wish for healing is a risk, a wakening call to change, to choose, to leave so much behind, and be again made new. __________________ Steve Garnaas-Holmes
Unfolding Light

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be well. That first day I woke up in so much pain I wished to die was over six years ago now. I first faced up to my mental health challenges a decade in the past when I was in such a hard place that I couldn't deny it anymore. This particular debilitating challenge has been with me for a year and a half now.

I worry that I won't know what to do with being well. How will I process being able to sit through a play or …