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Showing posts from March, 2017

Tired of Pain

Today was a bit of a setback. My legs were knocked out from under me by one of the dogs' leads. Unfortunately, I hit the frozen ground, landing directly on the hip I had surgery on this past May. I just laid there for a while before trying to get up. That didn't work so well so I rolled over and got on all fours. I tried putting equal weight on my legs, but my right hip hurt so much I just couldn't. I crawled, awkwardly, into the garage, with the dogs following me and Davey crying at me. Luckily I hadn't put away my crutches after getting them back from a friend, so I was able to use a crutch and the chest freezer to get up. I came inside and called my in-laws, who came right over as they always do, and they got the dogs inside. I basically went to bed with frozen water bottles and iced off and on all day.

I have moved to alternating heat and ice with some gentle stretching in between. 18 hours or so out, I am doing a lot better. I have most of my range of motion and I …

Depression.

Depression is a funny thing. Sometimes, even when you are doing everything right, it still comes along and grinds you down to dust. I have been sitting outside in the sun, bundled up against the cold. I've been sitting under the skylights or my daylight lamp when the cold makes me bones ache too much. I've been doing deep breathing and meditation. I've been open with friends and family about how I'm feeling. I've been taking my medication. And yet, I'm really feeling depression's grip today.

It would be one thing if it were an icy grip, but depression's biggest lie to me right now is that it's as warm and comfortable as my great-grandmother's heavy quilt. It would be so easy to wrap it around myself as I lay on the couch, podcasts playing because I'm having trouble focusing on written word, heating pad on because physical therapy is making me ache even more than the cold.

I received a letter from Social Security saying that my disability clai…

Go Fund Me

I took my car to a locally owned shop yesterday to get the exhaust system checked out. I don't drive very often anymore because most days, I do not trust my concentration levels. If I can't read through a paragraph and remember what it was about before I start the next, I have no business on the street. But lately I have been avoiding the Blueberry because it was rattling and incredibly loud. I knew something was going on with the muffler and from when I had to have it checked out once before, I knew the muffler was going to be expensive to replace. Luckily, the issue was the same as last time. It seems there is a weakness in the exhaust system that causes a certain point in the pipe, ahead of the muffler, to rust out. A $45 patch and repair job later, I was on my way.

I have been worrying about that repair for weeks, terrified of how much it would cost and how we would ever pay for it. One of the reasons I have really struggled with asking for help was that Adam's salary …