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Showing posts from November, 2009

Throbbing, and not in the good way

I have a cold.  I realize that is probably true for a high percentage of the population at this time of the year, but I am especially annoying with a cold.  I don't have a high tolerance for sinus pressure or sore throats.  I hate constantly blowing my nose.  My skin is practically shedding a layer from all the hand sanitizer I have used in the last few days.  I even left work early today because I simply could not go on like this any longer. I am determined to be fully recovered by Friday, so I have spent the day eating, drinking (water and tea; nothing stronger), taking pills, and sleeping.

I am also thinking.  Which really is just unfair when you think about it.  Surely my body is uncomfortable enough as it is?  I don't need my mind to be uncomfortable as well!

I want more out of life than what I have right now.  I have gotten to a place of... not quite contentment, not quite complacency, but somewhere in between.  I have been settling for life as it is and not struggling…

Over the river and through the woods...

It does sound like I am going to Grandmother's house, but actually just my Mother's, though it is over a river, through a woods, and down a few gravel roads.  You have to love Appalachia.  Should I survive, I'll blog there. :)

Psalm 130:5-6

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
         And in His word I do hope.



I love this verse.  It is one that comes to me out of the blue from time to time, often when I am worrying, which makes sense.  For me this is all about letting my worries go, with the knowledge that God will take care of things and I need to let Him do His work.  I am struggling with that right now (as I always seem to be).  I want to be farther along in life.  I want certain things.  I want, I want, I want, but - for today, at least - I am choosing what I need.  I need to wait for my God and trust in His word, that He is a God that delivers, that He is a God who loves, that He is a God who brings good.


Today, I wait for the Lord, and in His word, I hope.

Question...

What does it mean to be a best friend?  When you are little a best friend may last for a day or even just an hour, yet the title still means something.  Who among us hasn't been someone's best friend?  But now that we are adults, what does that term even mean?  Do people still use it?

I have three "best" friends.  One is more like me than I care to think about, one is the complete opposite, and the last is somewhat in between.  I go to them for different things, but in the end I know that anyone of them would be there for me, except when they weren't.

A few months back I was sick, as sick as I have ever been.  I - stupidly - drove myself to Urgent Care and saw the doctor.  It was just a stomach bug but they were concerned at how dehydrated I was and that I couldn't keep anything down.  I needed medicine but in order for them to give it to me by IV, I also needed a ride.  I texted the two friends that share a town with me and neither were able to help.  I kno…

A little stream of conciousness before bed...

She curled into a ball on her bed, letting the tears fall for the first time in what had been a long week of wanting that release.  Her pillow was wet by the time the sobs subsided into quiet hiccups of hurt, not that the tears stopped even then.  She focused on breathing, reminding herself that this too would pass, that eventually, one day, she would feel strong once more.  But that day was not today, and with that one thought the sobs began again.


It had not been a particularly horrible day and to be honest, there was no one episode she could relate from her entire week that would justify this moment of weakness, of vulnerability.  But that was depression.  Somehow, though she had never fully understood it before now, the external did not matter.  It was the internal that was in control of her emotions, an internal force that was all the more frightening because she had lost control of it.  It did not matter that her friends stopped by, that her boss asked how she was, or even that t…

To new beginnings...

Oh why, oh why have I signed up for another site?  Not that I have another blog.  Sure, I have a xanga - that is tied to memories and friends from the past that I would rather not think about - and a livejournal that I have only accessed in the last several years in order to delete my posts, but those are not the same as this.  I joined each of those as a way of keeping up with friends.  This I join as a way of exposing myself, even with the knowledge that there is a high probability no one will ever read my ramblings here.

Still, here I am, ready for the new day of sharing my thoughts with the internet.  Cheers!