Showing posts from June, 2013


I'm terrified of killing the rabbit.

I literally have nightmares where that is the only thing that has happened. The rabbit is dead and I am terrified, so terrified that I wake up sobbing.

I know that lots of people go about this everyday. I work with them, I go to church with them, I ooh and ahh over pictures and bibs. It's a natural part of life and one most people look forward to but I just can't.

Because I have my own issues. I have my own needs. I have a mental state that I work very hard to keep balanced each day. I need my naps. I need my quiet time.

I need.

And I know that my needs would have to be maybe not my last concern but certainly down the totem pole a bit from the top. The rabbit.

There is some bit of me that still wonders if my mother would not have been quite as troubled had she never killed the rabbit, had I not come along. It makes me wonder about myself and my own abilities.

I love Youth. I love kids. I'm sure I would love and care for my own, bu…

There I've Said It

It's the little things in life that bring the most joy. I have heard this all my life, but the longer I am married the more I know it is true. When WBH packs my lunch and adds chocolate candies to make me smile part way through my difficult day. When he cleans the toilet, though I know he doesn't even realize it is dirty, when I mention it needs cleaned but my migraine has me curled up in bed. When he doesn't seem to care that I have been so busy between work and my volunteering that I haven't done a single dish or washed any of the piles of laundry, but quietly goes about doing it a little bit at a time so we have forks and clean underwear, even though I know he doesn't like washing silverware or folding socks.

It's times like this which make me wonder what he is getting in return. How can I possibly make all these little things up to him in any small or big way? He takes care of me each and every day of my life and sometimes all I feel is a burden.

It's b…