I Am Aware Now

Just the other day I was working with my dearest friend Kouw on a fic. I was trying to channel a character I had never written before and decided I needed some happier, more upbeat music (but practical, not bubblegum pop) to do it. So I turned on my Alanis Morisette pandora station. It was every awful (but beautiful) song she has ever written with a few angtsy No Doubt songs thrown in for good measure. Not helpful to say the least.

I turn it on just now looking for some angstiness to go with my current mood and I am treated to You Learn followed by Goo Goo Dolls. Not exactly what I needed.

I hurt. I have been hurting for so long it feels like always. 

I had therapy today and have been ordered not to stretch this entire week. Apparently I am too stretchy. I feel like one of those Gumby figurines I had when I was little. She really worked my butt cheek and IT band. It was not fun, but I felt good enough to go for a walk around the block with Xander just now.

I keep hoping that I have already seen the worst of this and then something happens (like my hip spasm on Sunday) and it is as bad in that moment as I can ever remember. Maybe my bad memory is to blame. I have no idea. I am just ready for this to be over.

I am tired of laying in a fetal position and sobbing my eyes out as Adm pumps pain meds into my system.

I wish I had some sort of uplifting thought, but I don't so instead I will leave you with some Alanis lyrics. Enjoy.

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now


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