A Psalm

He will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; he will give you the strength to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13b


God, why? Why do I feel this way? Why so I feel like I am completely unable to be "normal"?? I know there is no such thing as normal, but still God. I need it. I need to feel settled. I need a sense of security. I need to know myself - to have a sense of what is real.

I feel sometimes like there are two Lauras. One that is together - that sees a greater purpose and follows it. And then there is this one. The one that is miserable, the one that is crying out, from the very core of her being for your salvation and who just can't quite reach it.

What do you want from me? What can I do? How can I make this better? I feel like I am sinking - drowning - trying desperately to catch my breath, but only losing it more, taking in more sorrow, more helplessness.

God, what do you want from me? What can I do to close this gap I feel between us? 'Cause, I'm sinking in it Lord. Sinking and this ugliness/misery/depression/ungratefulness/loneliness/unsettledness is only going deeper God. I'm drowning in it. I'm losing my ability to breathe you in.

Take me God. Take me and fill me. Use me for thy purpose because I have none. I feel lost without you but I'm not sure how to get back.

Father, forgive me my multitude of sin. Erase this guilt that drives my madness. Release me from the demons feeding on my soul. Restore my mind Lord - all of it. Make me truly and wholly thine. Amen.

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