A cry for help.

Laying here on the couch, I feel like I could run a mile. As soon as I stand up, I nearly double over in pain. I can take more vicodin in an hour, but really that just makes it manageable, which is frustrating, and I think it is what is keeping me up. That, and the pain.

I'm having trouble concentrating. I feel like a bouncing ball is going around my head, hitting on one thing and then another so fast that I can't keep up.

My depression is beginning to creep up on me. I am going to call my doctor tomorrow about that. I know that it is partly because fall is coming and it has gotten cold and grey this week. But part of it is this pain. I can't do laundry or wash dishes. I can't play with Xander. I can't drive and I can't think, so working is not possible. I'm not even supposed to work until next week according to the ER doc anyway. I want to exercise. I want to do more things. I want to get off this couch. And yet, even trying to make the bed earlier was too much and I had to sit down half way through. I just hate this.

I don't know what to do to turn this around. I am just praying that God will bring some relief to this situation. I don't know how much longer I can handle it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm still fat.

It's so funny to me that the last time I posted here it was on the same topic that brought me to write something four and a half years later. I'm still fat. I'm still in pain. But for the last two and a half years, I've also been a mother dealing with those first two.  The past two years have been some sort of mashup between a rollercoaster and a train wreck with parenting and the pandemic. There have been many times I thought about journaling here or in a physical journal, but to be honest, I didn't really want a record of how dark a place my mind had been. It's a struggle to know what's the right thing to do in the midst of a new and ever changing pandemic and I think parenting is always a struggle. At least, I think it always would have been for me. And that's not something I really have wanted to record for posterity, though I admit it would probably help the child's future therapist out. I started some new treatments for pain this week. After st
Read more

I am fat.

I am fat. I've always been fat. Well, not counting my senior year of high school when I starved myself to fit into the prom dress I had already grown out of two months later. My weight has varied as well as my clothing size, but in many ways, when my chronic illness started, I was pretty healthy. Despite medications that encouraged weight gain, I was maintaining and even losing a little. I was working out and feeling good about myself. Then pain set in. At first, when I was still trying to work, all I did in my freetime was lie flat, try not to cry, and go to one doctor's appointment after another. Even with all the physical therapy I have completed in the last twenty-one months, I am weaker and much less healthy. And most importantly, I am not happy about it. We have been trying to eat more greens and less meat. I'm trying to cut most sugar from my diet and working on getting off the Pepsi train. Other than yesterday, I have completed a yoga youtube video everyday this wee
Read more

Santorwrong

Image
by Jeff Darcy, Cleveland Plain Dealer ,  So I doubt it will come as a surprise to anyone who knows me that Santorum scares the crap out of me. He looks like a nice guy and then he opens his mouth and says thi ngs like  "CO2 is a pollutant? Tell that to the plants." and I just want to scream.  I like to think that the only reason someone goes into politics is because they really think they can make a change for the better in some way or another. I cannot imagine someone willingly putting their lives and the lives of their family up to the media  scrutiny of any political race, much less the presidential one, without them really, truly believing good could come of it. So I have to believe that as much as I disagree with nearly everything that comes out of his mouth, Rick Santorum honestly wants what he thinks is best for America. He does not deserve (and we, as Americans do not deserve) this. By Monte Wolverton  It is 2012 people. Do we really need to be afraid of
Read more