Disillusion

I recently spent an evening with one of my kids, let's call her Janice. Janice's parents are going through a dissolution (aka divorce). It had only been a few days, but already one parent was packing, readying to move out by that weekend. I spent the evening with her and one of my other kids. We got drinks, played with my puppy, watched Harry Potter movies, and ate pizza and wings when WBH brought them home.

We talked a little about decisions she was having to make, but mostly, I let her be a kid who was needing a break from a heart-rending situation. I stayed up later than I wanted last night, thinking about Janice's situation and my response to it.

I am a child of divorce, but I was young and remember so little about that time. I was still a child when my dad died and the situation it placed me in is what comes to mind as I think of Janice. Even at eleven years old, I could see that I needed structure, that I needed boundaries.. That I couldn't take care of my parent who was so in need of care. I realized I was a kid and I wanted to be one, so I chose to live with my grandparents.

Janice is a kid. She's four years older than I was, but she is still just a kid. When I look at the decisions she is making, I can see why she is making them. She's picking the fun parent, the one who seems to need her, the one who treats her more like an adult. I can see why and while part of me is happy to see that she is still thinking like a kid, my heart aches when I think of the possible outcomes of that choice.

When I first heard "dissolution," I thought, "disillusion." I knew it was the wrong word once I realized what we were talking about, but I'm not convinced it is the wrong sentiment.

Divorce shakes you off the ground
Divorce whirls you all around.
Divorce makes you all confused
Divorce forces you to choose.
Divorce makes you feel all sad
Divorce pushes you to be mad.

Divorce makes you wonder who cares
Divorce leaves you thoroughly scared.
Divorce makes a silent home
Divorce leaves you all alone.

Divorce is supposed to be an answer
Divorce, in fact, is emotional cancer.

-10-year-old Chicago girl
A Parent's Guide to Helping Teenagers in Crisis

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