Who I Am.

Between babies being born and surprises being launched (unsuccessfully, mind) tonight, I have been firmly reminded of how selfish I am.

I don't like admitting it and when I do I generally get argued with, but really I am selfish. As defined by google: concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. That is me to a tee. Not necessarily the profit bit, at least not in a money sense, but the rest of it is.

I like my me-time. I want to know what is going on and make my own decisions. I seriously dislike things being planned for me, enough that I have been known to be a grouch through activities I don't have a choice in. The idea of being surprised, even for something small, gives me the heebie-jeebies. Seriously, I feel a panic attack in the making just thinking about it.

If the Hubby text me saying, "come home and pack a bag, we're going to -insert city name here- for the weekend," I would probably respond with, "what??? I don't think so." In fact I can't imagine responding in any other way, unless it just contained the foul language I neglected to add here. There is no way I would be happy about it and even less chance of me actually going. Much more likely that it would end in a big fight and lots of tears.

But I would get my way because I am selfish. I cannot imagine giving up my life to have a baby. Not now. Not ever. That makes me a bad person, I know this and accept it, but it doesn't change the fact.

My body rebels enough as it is. The idea of having another being inside of me causing all the issues they do and doing so willingly? To be honest I have trouble understanding those who do it. They amaze me. In all seriousness, I am in awe of it. They are better women then I could ever dream of being.

But I know myself. For better or worse, I am selfish and as such, I am going to stay this way. It's who I am.

Comments

  1. Not wanting to give up your life to have a baby isn't selfish, Laura. Or at least if you are determined to think it is selfish, then please consider the idea that it's no more selfish than someone having a child just because they want one. We are all selfish in our own way, and we all have selfish needs. I really can't believe we have never discussed this!

    Amy

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