Marching on...and on...

I am tired and my head is pounding. Completely pounding. I had my new glasses adjusted last week but they still aren't completely right. My right eye is the worst. I don't understand why this is happening.

I have the new glasses because someone -- not naming any names -- destroyed my last ones while I was in the shower getting ready to take him to the vet. He was sick and super needy because of it, his separation anxiety on overdrive. He's feeling better now, but I had to get new glasses and that meant new frames. I like the frames but apparently my eyes do not. They tried bending them to create a bit of a curve which helped but apparently it isn't quite there yet.

It's nearly 3am and I am still awake. Not good.

So here are some things that I did last month...

  • Book: I am working my way through a book that was given to me by a friend. It is a religious book that is part of the latest fad. I find myself frustrated as I go through it and it is taking me forever to finish. I discussed this with one of my good friends recently and she said we should write our own book on Christianity. Chapter One: Open your Bible. Chapter Two: Read it. Chapter Three: Pray about what you read. Chapter Four: Repeat. I think it would be a best seller. Each chapter's body text would just say, "No, really. I mean it."
  • Recipe: WBH and I have been experimenting all over the place. I've been cooking and trying different things. This month I made corned beef and cabbage and then a casserole of cabbage, tomatoes, ground beef and pasta topped with mozzarella. I was pretty impressed with the way things turned out. Especially because I didn't really know how any of it was going to taste. :) I know it isn't good for me, but it made me want corned beef much more often!
  • Craft: Well this isn't really a craft, but it is creative which is really what I was going for in this bit. I wrote a poem about my depression. I wasn't going to share it at first, but I feel like I should. It's darker than my typical shares, but it is true to my life, at least the bit of it that the depression influences.
i dig a hole and burrow into myself
going deeper and deeper still
until there is no coming up for air

there is no reason to breathe
to live
there is nothing left
there is only this hole
my whole
my being

and yet i try
i look for the light
i believe in its goodness even when i cannot find it
even when i cannot find myself

i believe, i seek, i knock

and yet i feel knocked back down
ground into the earth
unsure if i am going to rise

i will most likely stay here in this darkness
this warmth i understand, recognize
feels like home even as it destroys my very soul

i burrow into myself


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