Praising in the storm...

Have you ever heard yourself saying something and think, "wait, what?" This happens to me often. Things sound perfectly rational and reasonable in my head, but as soon as I start to share them with WBH, my friends, my counselor, X-man, etc. I realize how wrong I am.

I started back to counseling last week after a short -sanctioned- hiatus. My brain has been playing tricks on me of late and I decided the best thing was to get back in to see Dr. Mr. Rogers and to my counselor (who really needs a good nickname). It's good for me to have routines in place, a plan to follow, so I can see some light at the end of the tunnel, even if it is just the next way station.

This week I hit a rougher patch in the form of my bursitis acting up again. It comes and goes intensity-wise, but driving and being unable to relax and move around make it so much worse, so you can imagine how it feels with my 45-60 minute commute to and from work. I got to my session with the to-be-nicknamed-counselor and was really hurting, physically and emotionally.

I was telling her about the pain and about a coworker asking me what would happen if the cortisone shot stopped working? (BTW, it's scheduled for Monday at 1pm, which is a little over 97 hours, not that I am counting) I heard myself saying that it wasn't fair, that I shouldn't have to live from one shot to the next, that there should be a way to just fix it or something I could do to make it better.

I paused for a moment and heard just how ungrateful I was being.

Yes, I am in a lot of pain and yes, it is affecting all areas of my life, BUT in a week, it'll be fixed and I'll be fine for another 5-6 months. There are so many people in the world in more pain with no hope of relief; I know some of them! How could I be so ungrateful, so thankless.

I did say that to to-be-nicknamed-counselor and felt somewhat better that I at least recognized my folly. The first step is recognizing you have a problem, right? But it is just so hard to be thankful when you are in so much pain that 800 mg of ibuprofen and an extra large heating pad are barely making a dent and all you want to do is cry into the fur of the puppy pressed close, cuddling you. Can I get an amen?

Still I will try to remember to praise God, knowing that I am not alone in any of this.


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