Unmovable Mountains

I had a pain management appointment today with my doctor. It was only our second office visit and our last. In April, he's taking a leadership position at another hospital. Three or four months ago at my first office visit, he told us that the goal would be to take the edge off my chronic pain and then work on getting me more mobile. I've had two thoracic epidurals since, but with no relief beyond a few hours.

Today, this doctor, with almost unbelievable - nearly cartoonish though I believe it was genuine - positivity and hope, said that he wants me to try physical therapy (after several months of this before I was sent to him from another pain management clinic) and visit with a nutritionist before we try anything else.

I think that he means well. I think he may also want to leave further treatment plans up to the doctor he referred me to, whom I will meet in 2 months. I agree with him that I need to lose weight and get back to exercising.

I also am in incredible pain. Exquisite pain is how one doctor referred to it. At best it is debilitating, at worst crippling abdominal wall pain that increases into a stabbing intense feeling as I am upright and lingers for days, though I have a constant level of ache at all times. It only gets better when I am laying flat.

I know that I will wake up tomorrow with a fresh mind and knowing me, I will pick myself up and make a go of it. But tonight, it is all I can do not to pull the covers over my head and cry.

"They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Good thing
A little faith is all I have right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul"

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