Tomorrow is Father's Day. You know this year I was really hit with Mother's Day, although I have never been one to really celebrate the day with my mom. And now, after losing my dad nearly eighteen years ago, I am really spending a lot of time thinking about Father's Day.

Growing up, we never really celebrated, even with Grandpa. I know the commercial idea of the day, with barbecues and such. I always found it odd that mom's day was all about her getting pampered, while dad's was about him cooking over a hot grill all day and maybe lawn work besides.

Although I lost my father so early, it was always the lack of a relationship with my mom that bothered me. Now that they are both gone, I can see how wanting what still might (on some completely other plane of being) have been possible, made me hurt less for the loss of what was impossible. I think losing mom has somehow freed me up to really deal with the loss of my father and so I am working on it.

It might take another eighteen years. :)

In the meantime, to lift up this post, I wanted to share this youtube video which cracked me up. Have a happy day.

Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 19, 2011 at 2:48 PM

    Your family life as a child has been so vastly different from mine, i hardly know what to say. But that it is good that you are finding it within yourself to deal with issues from your past, which can only help you become even stronger than you already are.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I am fat.

I am fat. I've always been fat. Well, not counting my senior year of high school when I starved myself to fit into the prom dress I had already grown out of two months later. My weight has varied as well as my clothing size, but in many ways, when my chronic illness started, I was pretty healthy. Despite medications that encouraged weight gain, I was maintaining and even losing a little. I was working out and feeling good about myself. Then pain set in. At first, when I was still trying to work, all I did in my freetime was lie flat, try not to cry, and go to one doctor's appointment after another. Even with all the physical therapy I have completed in the last twenty-one months, I am weaker and much less healthy. And most importantly, I am not happy about it. We have been trying to eat more greens and less meat. I'm trying to cut most sugar from my diet and working on getting off the Pepsi train. Other than yesterday, I have completed a yoga youtube video everyday this wee
Read more

I'm still fat.

It's so funny to me that the last time I posted here it was on the same topic that brought me to write something four and a half years later. I'm still fat. I'm still in pain. But for the last two and a half years, I've also been a mother dealing with those first two.  The past two years have been some sort of mashup between a rollercoaster and a train wreck with parenting and the pandemic. There have been many times I thought about journaling here or in a physical journal, but to be honest, I didn't really want a record of how dark a place my mind had been. It's a struggle to know what's the right thing to do in the midst of a new and ever changing pandemic and I think parenting is always a struggle. At least, I think it always would have been for me. And that's not something I really have wanted to record for posterity, though I admit it would probably help the child's future therapist out. I started some new treatments for pain this week. After st
Read more

Appeal

I received a letter from my lawyer today. Our appeal for Reconsideration (where another employee at OOD would look over the information the first had and make their own decision) was denied. The lawyer sent us another packet of information to complete and I'm struggling to do so. My memory has never been great. Meeting up with old friends is difficult sometimes because they remember a lot of things that I have no recollection of at all. My thinking is that my brain has always tried to compartmentalize things because of trauma in my childhood. That's always been the case, but usually as bad as my long term memory was, I had better recall of more recent events and information. Now I'm struggling to remember conversations and meetings I've had in the last month. That is probably partially because of a lack of structure in my everyday, but the memory issue is also the cause of the lack of structure. I can't seem to focus and I forget what I am doing. I even have days wh
Read more